The fellowship is falling apart

Hullo all, been a long time since I've been on here. As of now there are 1 and a 1/2 weeks of school left, and I'm not as happy as I thought I'd be a few years before. I wonder how it's going to feel to undergo such a paradigm shift in my life as the one that's approaching me now. I'm sure that how much ever I try I'm not going to even get a faint picture of how life's going to be after school until I'm actually living it. There's never going to be that sense of security that I found in so much abundance at school. I wonder how the world is going to treat me, I've hardly ever fit in in school, and all the teachers have always tried their best to help me to. Will I ever fit in society outside, where no one is making any effort to even know my first name. Right now, I'd like to tell all my friends that I love them, and that I'm going to miss them a lot when we're gone. We're never ever going to be the same way we are now. Its going to be impossible to establish the same connection between ourselves that we have now. No more staying late at school, talking about nothing at all, no more meeting at the canteen, filling ourselves up with toxic waste. Whichever way I look at it, this is the end of our friendship as we know it. Its bound to take a different form, whether that'll be better or worse, i don't know, but it'll definitely be different.

I don't know!

Whether to look forward to my new life, or regret leaving my old one. Maybe my new life will be better, but its hard not to rue the loss of something that's been so loving and giving. Even at home, I feel closer to my family than I've ever felt before, ironic, that I'll be leaving them in a few months. Again, I wonder if I'll ever be this close to them again. I think about this everyday, but I quickly shove these thoughts to the back of my head. And now I've run out of thoughts, the only one that is remaining is this one,
To my friends and family,

I love all of you, you've given me everything that I've ever needed, in every possible way, and I'm going to miss all of you.



Shishir